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Years We Lost

by Nate Leslie

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1.
Paint the picture of your home all is well and feels like gold mother calls you on the phone tell her that you’re not alone curses whispered to yourself wishing you were somewhere else silent in your wishing well all the secrets you won't tell it might save a lot of time, but waste my heart if I keep you from my mind, stay in the dark days that pass before my eyes, no story arc push the sugar into lines and we depart drink enough to warm your bones tolerance just seems to grow talking the kindest tone bury both your feet in stone am I saving all my time? am I saving all my time
2.
I wonder, if in the end, all my words, and all my friends are make-believe or just pretend 10,000 letters that I’ll never send my efforts have all been strong my truest loves have lasted long I’ve seen this world from end to end and I’ve been lost before, and I’ll get lost again oh baby I’ll never stop wanting you oh baby I’ll never stop wanting you these foggy ruins are made of time their deepest flaw is their design I’ve lived my life like I was gone until you reached in and turned the light back on I’ll put my words in this machine I wonder how and what it means I get so lost where I can’t be seen was I ever here, or was it all a dream
3.
breathe, in a pile of frozen leaves falling pilots on the breeze at the bottom of the sea you don’t know, there could be... the skipper’s on a dead ship he wanted to know and he’s building up a bonfire he made out of bones and he’s talking to his best friend even though he’s alone and he’s dancing in the flames tryin’ to turn into stone and he’s breathing from a bubble that he keeps on his head and he’s quoting all the worst-selling novels he read and he’s wishing to escape from all the vipers he fed and the whole world stopped when he said stay in the silence conned into violence no one is asking “Can we hide them in the island?” Ruby’s on a ghost train into town and she’s twisting all the cherry branches into a crown and she’s searching for the treasure buried under the ground all the words of her father in a clamorous sound coalesce into a language that she can’t understand Ruby can you dig yourself out without your hands? with your hands I’m healed with your hands he’s breathing from a bubble he’s breathing from a bubble the skipper’s on a dead ship he wanted to know and he’s building up a bonfire he made out of bones and he’s talking to his best friend even though he’s alone and there’s no place like home, there is no place like home stay my silent friend stay my silent friend
4.
I’m in a state, I am a dead weight to you I need some new words to get my message through a change in the weather ain’t what this is about but this kind of snowfall will be knocking the power out now that time is through, were you in love too? will this hungry ground eat my bones too? you look at me cross-eyed, and you couldn’t tell your vision is perfect, I’m just blurry as hell am I an echo of an ominous sound? I am the most dangerous thing you ever found I’m in a prison that’s floating away the door is not wide enough for me to escape who is the mother who made us this way? she died during childbirth on the shore of the salt lake.
5.
Seattle, WA 05:06
the front door’s unlocked, just in case you were to show up while I’m away I left your bedroom just the same I haven’t touched a single thing I saw your footprints in the ground all along the shores of Puget Sound I’m still unsure of what you found I wish that you were still around so come on, come on, come on, give me the stuff ‘cause it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts too much so come on, come on, come on, give me the stuff ‘cause it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts too much under the pounding of the waves after they begged you just to stay I knew that you could not be saved your heart was made to drift away
6.
Closure 03:53
faced my fears after twenty years in a parking lot found in my conversation about sidewalks littered with hate that could fit her if only she remembered her name my hometown haunt is all that I want and I think that you were feeling the same lyin’ in wait for the perfect moment to sabotage all of the things you were hoping could lift you out of the dirt you find yourself buried in the bottom of your lost time your childhood friend is waiting at the end and they’re not the type to change their mind my heart has never felt the summer and why does no place feel like home death or life, you choose one or the other tell all my friends I’ll see them soon contradicting the love you were feeling in a parking lot found in your conversation about hanging on to hope while you were choking while you’re buried in the bottom of your lost mind it’s all wrong and we’re moving right along it’s the least that I can do with your time my heart has never felt the summer and why does no place feel like home death or life, you choose one or the other tell all your friends you’ll see them soon faced my fears after twenty years but I never felt broken until I told you that I’ve been feeling that death looks appealing even when I’m stupid in love it’s all wrong and we’re moving right along and I never want to waste your time
7.
Glimmer 05:12
I ran into silence, and then she disappeared I saw her inside my eyelids, now I haven’t seen her for years I heard that she mighta’ split I heard the sound might’ve broke her a little bit I wonder if she remembers all the places she’s been what if I told you I had bad news? your home is on fire all around you now that your lilies are in full bloom, I find myself sleeping in your room did you hear the sirens sing words to your friends? they lure you to their islands where this whole thing will end you never started a war, you never knew what the demons were looking for I wonder if she remembers that I’m outside her door lie down on the pavement in the dark lie down on the pavement in the dark lie down on the pavement in the dark I couldn’t find, I couldn’t know but I wouldn’t mind you coming home I’m looking for silence
8.
Maybe Then 05:36
you got me to sign on the dotted line not sure if I’ll ever change my mind I was innocent at one point when they locked me in the joint I can’t recall my friends’ names ‘cuz all my enemies look the same I’m impervious to your charms till you took me in your arms in your arms if you blink a little bit harder, maybe then I won’t have to see you cry if I talk a little bit louder, maybe then I won’t hear you say goodbye if I take a little bit longer, maybe then the good things won’t end so soon if I try a little bit harder, maybe then I won’t end up losing you your satellites are spinning around my head transmitting what you said but the gravity’s wearing thin the gravity’s wearing thin you forced my hand in a foreign land played a game of catch me if you can I was frozen in my tracks as I watched it all collapse as I watched it all collapse
9.
Inside Out 04:43
am I awake or something worse? I coulda sworn that something hurts if I could finally lose my mind I’ll be the one to drive the hearse million explosions in the sun chemical makeup on the run I never saw you having fun I know I’m not the only one I’m inside out, I’m upside down will you ever tell me how to change the things that hold me down lay on a bed I’ve made from stone carving a lantern out of bone I’m at a loss for lack of words talk through a melting telephone I’m out of time and out of space out of the love that I have known carving some new lines on my face I am feeling right at home try to hold you tongue baby when you got nothing to say baby I’ve been feeling in the way lately will you take me home to safety? if I swallow every pill running away, trying to feel when the invaders have their fill I’ll be a statue standing still too many voices say your name if there is one that gave you chills turn out the lights from your last meal none of these things were ever real
10.
Spare Room 06:42
you talk to me like I’m a stranger but I’ve known you for a real long time and I don’t need the facts a figures just wanna know how you’ve spent your time do you still live in that old stone house? does the roof still leak each time it rains? and no, your mother never liked me much was it what I did or who I was? I left you a gift in the spare room the one you never use when you find it, you will see it’s an offer you can’t refuse to forget all the heartache, all the pain and the abuse that you suffered at my hands I inherited my father’s gift for self destructive habits I didn’t mean to give that weight to you but sometimes things end up slipping through now I’m stuffed away inside a cardboard box hiding under your basement stairs and you lost the keys to all your old locks and it seems like you don’t really care in a moment of my weakness I will let you go in a moment of my weakness I was turned to stone it’s ok if you don’t want to remember it’s ok if you don’t want to remember

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Nate Leslie's 6th full-length solo album.

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released March 8, 2019

All songs, lyrics, music, and recordings by Nate Leslie

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Nate Leslie Chicago, Illinois

Nate Leslie is a sonic alchemist creating his own blend of indie post-punk electro psychedelic rock. Whatever that means.

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